This is the second night that the Grim Reaper of death has paid me a daunting visit. The old folks used to say "all disheartening things come in threes" so I guess the next time he appears will be the night I take my last breath. It was different this time though, unlike the first time where I was haunted with visions of all the loved ones I've ever lost. Although as equally uncomfortable, my body was calm--no shakes, no shivers just an impassive spirit waiting for what was next. I knew why he was there and as I stared into the eyes of death I could see my past was finding its way into my present.
Still unshaken by the presence of death which stood before me, the flashbacks which traveled through my mind surfaced that very same lost soul that was searching for love and acceptance. Thinking back on the road I chose to riches, chasing name brands, sitting court side, poppin bottles with the elite, and riding high never passenger side cuz in the Maybach you always hide behind the curtains of the backseat. I followed the brick road, but this ain't no movie and the brick road ain't yellow and when dealing with these white bricks a brain, heart and courage is nothing you can just acquire along the way.
In this game you're either a seller or a buyer...runner or supplier, and the only float you have is the product of your own environment. I was the seller and I sold my soul for a round trip ticket, MGM night, Grand fight, and 20 stacks just to sit across from the Boss. I was a gift...with undeniable beauty he confidently slid me the keys knowing riding high across state lines with a “Loui V” duffel would be carried with ease. But nervousness set in as I looked into the eyes of the innocent, naive to the part she had just played in all of this. But like I said this ain't no movie so instead of a character she's now the "accessory"--a subordinate or supplementary part, object, used mainly for convenience, attractiveness, and safety. What more can I say for myself when I'm just making selfish moves in my quest to eat? Confused, knowing in the back of my mind this is wrong there's no forgiveness in this shyt, no repenting, just move swift or retreat.
My conscious was fcking with me and although the “allure of the game kept calling my name” I knew it was only a matter of time before my struggle between right and wrong would detonate. The reality of the situation was I was ready to finally live a normal life free of all the notoriety and crowned street glory. I thought if I settled down it would bring some peace and serenity to my life, so I went with what I knew best and traveled back to love. Never taking the time to think twice about why love was lost in the first place I took 6Gs grabbed love and traveled on a trip overseas with the same love that would one day marry me. It was on that very trip where I found that not only was love lost but love was never there at all. “The same things that will make you laugh will make you cry and the same things that will make you tell the truth will be the same things that will make you tell a lie.” Such is luck and that's life and since they say life's a bytch, I never stood a chance in the first place.
This ain't no life to live, surrounded by the fake and fraudulent serpents disguised as friends, kick stand rolling straight through shooters, shooting Patron shots while side fckin your man. I have nothing else in this world but the solitude brought to me when I sold my soul for dough. So in essence I am already dead and my golden bronze shell is a soulless cover to an empty spirit. They say "some things money can't buy, like heaven in the sky" so I said to the grim reaper who stood before...take me now, I'm ready to die.
-Lusty (sneak preview)
