Friends WITHOUT Benefits???

Last week I was thoroughly entertained by the conversation which took place on the status of one of my FB friends. The question posed to FB was “How do you feel about your partner being best friends with an ex partner? It doesn’t matter if it was last year or five years ago, are you still cool with them being friends?”
With over 100 comments let’s just say this topic may have hit a couple of nerves. It even got to the point where folks were being labeled as “jump-offs” and “side-joints.” So here is what I have to say about it…
First and foremost, I DO believe that time plays somewhat of a significant factor in this situation, so already I see flaws in the question. The reason why I believe it matters is because I am NOT the same person at 26 that I was when I was 16. At 16, I was an adolescent still in the process of learning myself while trying to grasp onto the facts of life. My relationship at 16 which lasted until I was 18, didn’t resonate the same effects on me like those relationships that took/take place in my life now that I am a woman. I am more than certain that you are not the same person that you were as an adolescent now that you have reached adulthood.( Although people may still act immature in some ways never wanting to grow up it kind of reveals that catch 22 cliche’ if you will.) My point being is what was once intriguing to you 10yrs ago as an adolescent more than likely is not equally as intriguing to you as an adult. So me being friends with an ex from high school is probably the least of my man’s worries. (this brings me to an interesting question: What relationships “count?” but we’ll discuss that later)
As I always say everything is situational and it’s all in the way you present and/or address the situation. So if you’ve dated someone back in HS but now you are friends but they feel the need to come “side-ways” at your partner then that friendship needs to be reevaluated. It’s important to be mindful that everyone doesn’t always have the same intentions as you, and your genuinely expressed friendship isn’t always mirrored by that so-called BFF. Just like it is often reiterated to females that guys are always willing to take it to the next level despite a platonic friendship-- they are just waiting for the opportunity. Well NEWSFLASH people that’s humanistic nature and females do the same but it’s up to you to divert, diffuse, or dismiss the situation altogether. I don’t mind my man having a female best friend so long as she knows her place as a girl friend and not the girlfriend. However, once again it’s up to my partner to address the situation accordingly and if I made a commitment to him then that says I trust him enough to do so. Now if I see that it is not being properly handled than in that particular situation I may say I don’t trust this whole idea of “we’re just friends” and be up out!
It all goes back to the trust factor, if you can’t trust your partner enough to have a friendly relationship with someone that they’ve been with in the past then in essence you don’t trust them at all. On the other hand your partner should respect your relationship enough not to push the envelope to the point where it makes you uncomfortable. Late night calls are a…NO, random pop up visits are…Obsolete, and buying expensive gifts are…inappropriate. It’s a give and take relationship and all parties must know their role and play their position.

-Lusty